Mustang Club of Orange County #134

2005 Mustang Convertible
V6 Premium Package with Leather interior

Vanity Plates: LL Pony

"Well," said the director, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh that's easy isn't it," I said. "A normal person would obviously use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

 

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"  

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE  BED NEXT TO MINE??  

Owner of the Edelbrock E-Force SuperCharger #0001
400 RWHP sae corrected / 384 RWTQ sae corrected

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.  The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me..'  I was born Fred Johnson.  
I  studied hard and got good grades.  

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.  I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.  After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream!  Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.  

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.  

Well, the   ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.  

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD.  Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my  DDS  because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back".

"OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked...

Mustang Club of Orange County #134

2005 Mustang Convertible
V6 Premium Package with Leather interior

Vanity Plates: LL Pony

His  wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so  for his birthday she takes him to a localstrip  club.  

The  doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey,  Fred! How ya doin?'

His wife is puzzled  and asks if he's been to this club  before.  

'Oh no,'  says Fred.  'He's in my bowling  league.

When they are  seated, a waitress asks Fred if he'd like his usual and  brings over a Budweiser.

His  wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and  says, 'How did she  know  that you drink Budweiser?'

'I recognize  her, she's the waitress from the golf  club.

I always have a Bud at the end of  the 1st nine, honey.'

A stripper then  comes over to their table, throws her arms  around Fred, starts to  rub herself all  over him and says,  

'Hi  Freddie. Want your usual table dance, big  boy?'

Fred's wife, now furious, grabs her  purse and storms out of the club.

Fred  follows and spots her getting into a  taxi.

Before she can slam the door, he  jumps in beside her.

Fred  tries desperately to explain how the stripper  must have mistaken him for someone else, but his  wife is having none of it .

She is  screaming at him at the top of her lungs,  calling him every 4 letter word in the  book..

The cabby turns around and  says,

'Geez Fred, you picked up a real  **** this time.'

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ......he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've got no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

Quote

Originally posted by 05legendgt Sorry if this is to much mods

that red x is just fine. lol

"Yes, I just ordered a Shirley Temple... so did Chris and Charles, haha."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow and just
then the electricity went off.

The wife had a worried look on her face when she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park
on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to a blonde exhibit, the husband replied...

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"  

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.  Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.  What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.  Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.  He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.  What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you Moron!!!!"

The moral of the story:  Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

2005 GT Coupe (Premium Package)

MODS:______________________________________
1. Drop-in K&N, 2. Scott Drake Sequencers, 3. Billet Seat Levers,4. Scott Drake Stainless under hood Bolts, 5. "The Legend" Chrome Door Sill Plates, 6. LLR Engine Plaque, 7. LLR Dash Plaque, 8. Magnetic Black Out Panel, 9. NXT Hood Lifts, 10. Moroso Fuse Box cover, 11. Moroso Brake Fluid Tank Cover, 12. Mustang Billet map light cover, 13. GT500 Strut Tower Brace, 14. Duals straight back, NO X or H to Magna Flow Dual Exhaust w/tips

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